


The Death of the Heart

by unknowableroom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Mystery, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-01-03
Updated: 2007-02-05
Packaged: 2019-01-19 16:32:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12413838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unknowableroom_archivist/pseuds/unknowableroom_archivist
Summary: James goes into a depression and the marauders don't know what to do when he isolate everyone from him. Is it because of something that happened over the summer and why is Lily having a change of feelings... Read and Review!





	1. It's for The Best

**Author's Note:**

> Note from ChristyCorr, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Unknowable Room](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Unknowable_Room), a Harry Potter archive active from 2005-2016. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after May 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Unknowable Room collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/unknowableroom).

Disclaimer: Roses are red. Violets are blue. I do not own Harry. So do not sue!  


**_Summary:_** He loved her. She hated him. However, what happens when an event causes him to change? Moreover, she notices and falls in love with him. Two problems occur: 1. He sinks into a depression and pushes everyone away. 2. He loses interest in her. Will Lily and his friends help him rise up from his depression? In addition, will Lily stop acting bitchy and listen to her heart? Read and Review! 

“Hey Prongs!” Prongs turned around to see two boys run up to him. These three boys made up the Marauders. 

James Potter was the leader of their group. He was 6'2 who was quite muscular, which came with years of playing quiddicth. He had messy black hair, which girls thought sexy. Moreover, his eyes were the strangest color; they were a dark hazel that seemed never ending, however, if you looked closely, you could see flecks of purple, which offset the darker color nicely. 

Next came Sirius Black, co-leader and the ladies man. Sirius had shoulder length black hair and ocean blue eyes. He was an inch shorter than James was and was also quite muscular, which came from years of playing beater on the quidditch team. 

Finally, there was Remus Lupin, the nice, quiet one. He had chocolate brown hair and amber eyes. He was the thoughtful, considerate one that all girls thought was cute. He was quite muscular as well, but he was also very pale. He was 6 feet and he was a werewolf.

All together, they were the Marauders. They had never kept secrets from each other…until now.  
                                                            

                                                      oo000o000o000. 

"Hey Padfoot"James said, hoping beyond hope that his friends did not notice his changes. Unbeknownst to his friends, James had spent three weeks in St. Mungo’s being treated for depression and attempted suicide. Luckily, he convinced his parents to send him back to Hogwarts and they had promised not to tell anyone about his condition. Today was his first day out since the whole ordeal began. 

“How was your summer?” Remus asked 

“Uh...it was great…I got to go.” James said as he boarded the train, leaving his friends behind.

“What just happened?” Sirius asked, looking at the place where James once stood

“I don’t know but something’s wrong, he looked different.” Remus said looking thoughtful.

“Yeah, well, why are we just standing here? Let’s go find him,” Sirius said before he boarded the train, closely followed by Remus  
                                                            oo00oo00oo00

“Potter! What are you doing here?” Lily Evans asked as she saw James enter the head compartment.

“I’m head boy.” James answered monotonously, which took Lily by surprise.

“Pfft…. yeah right, now who's the real head boy?” Lily asked looking past James.

James eyes flashed with anger and he said rather coldly "I am, whether you like it or not"

Lily just narrowed her eyes and said "Fine."

After the meeting, James was the first to leave. He went to the bathroom and locked it with a locking charm. He took a deep breath and examined himself in the mirror. It was quite evident that he did not eat much since his face was slightly gaunt and all the emotional stress that happened over the summer made his hazel eyes seem dead. Luckily, nobody noticed the changes in James Potter and he hoped it stayed that way.

Sighing, James took out a razor blade, pulled up his sleeve, and examined the scars that were already present on his arm already.   


_“At least you inflicted this pain,”_ a voice said in his head _“Maybe_ _it’s better than the pain you receive from everyone else.”  
_

_“No, just go away, why you can’t just go away?”_ James thought desperately. This voice was the once that convinced James to start cutting himself. It convinced him that the pain he received from his friends and family was bad enough to bleed over, to die over. This ominous voice blew every tiny thing out of proportion and made him forget that most of the pains, if at all existent, were minor and easily forgotten.    


_“Because, James, I’m here to help you,”_ the voice said, “ _I’m here to take the pain away, and by doing that you must push everyone away…isolate yourself from everyone.”_   


_“Who are you?”_ James asked before putting the blade on his wrist  


_“You can call me Tom,”_ the voice said as James slashed his arm, causing blood to flow immediately. He gasped at the pain, but almost instantly, the pain faded to be replaced by an icy numbness. He heard banging, notifying that someone wanted to use the bathroom, he did a simple cleaning spell, and he tore a piece of his robe and wrapped his wrist with it and made sure that his robes concealed his injuries. With that, he left the bathroom but before he got far someone got a hold of his injured wrist. James flinched and wrenched his wrist from the person grip. 

Without turning, he said coldly “Don’t touch me.”

“Whoa, James, it’s just us” he heard Sirius say.  


_“This is your first test.”_ Tom said as James tensed as he remembered what Tom had said:  


_“They only want you for your popularity”_   


_“They don’t care about you”_   


_“Not even Evans”_   


_“Not even your parents”_   


**_“They all want to hurt you”_**   


_“At least you inflicted this pain, not them.”_   


_“Isolate yourself from them before they hurt you more.”_   


_“You don’t have any friends”_   


_“I’m the only you can trust”_

“I know.” James said coldly before leaving. He could imagine the looks of hurt on Sirius and Remus’ face.  


_“It’s for the best.”_ Tom said 

End of Chapter

A/n: what you think? Sorry for the short chapter. Moreover, I know you guys already know who tom is or do you? Read and review! In addition, I would like to thank my newly found beta reader for this story Tearlit! Thankx a bunch! 

 

 

 


	2. What Happened to You?

Disclaimer: I do not own harry potter the honor goes to J.K Rowling  
Chapter 2: What happened to you?  


“What his problem?” Sirius whispered after the Sorting ended.  


“I don’t know, but something happened over the summer.” Remus whispered, then looking around to make sure nobody was listening he continued “When you caught his wrist he flinched and I smelt blood.”  


“Something definitely happened.” Sirius said, worried.  


“Where is he?” Remus asked  


“There.” Sirius responded, pointing to the end of the table where James sat.  


“If we confront him here, we’ll make a scene,” Remus said as he saw Sirius got up.  


“I don’t care.” Sirius said, then he added, “Neither should you.”  


Remus sighed, and got up and they both walked toward James, As they passed everyone became deathly silent, due to everyone having heard about the incident on the train.   


_“Here they come.”_ Tom hissed, which made James tensed.  


“What do you want?” James asked coldly, as soon as Sirius and Remus stood in front of him, without turning to face his best friends.  


“I don’t know what your problem, James, but I want to find out why all of a sudden you’re cold to us,” Sirius said angrily.  


“ _See, if they were real friends they wouldn’t make a scene in front of everyone, they just want attention.”_ Tom said.  


_“You’re right,”_ James thought _“they’re not my friends.”_  


“Nothing that concerns you, Black.” James spat facing his friends.  


They gasped. They saw the deadness in his eyes and his gaunt face.  


“What happened to you, James?” Remus whispered, shocked.  


James went up to Remus ear and whispered, ”If you won’t leave me alone, I’ll make you, werewolf,” He hissed the last word out so that only Sirius and Remus could hear,  


“You wouldn’t,” Remus said, paling.  


James just rose an eyebrow and said coldly “Watch me.”  


“James, what is your problem, we’re just trying to help because you’re our best friend.” Sirius said, glaring at his friend.  


James faced Sirius, and spat “Not anymore,” before leaving the Great Hall in shock.  


Dumbledore got up and left the Great Hall along with McGonagall and Madam Pomfrey  


“James! James!” Dumbledore called entering the dormitory to see James on his bed.  


“ _Don’t listen to the old fool!_ ” Tom hissed urgently.  


“James, we heard about what happened over the summer and I am truly sorry,” Dumbledore said gravely, sitting next to James, though the boy in question did not acknowledge his presence.  


“ _You don’t need his pity._ ” Tom said  


“I don’t need your pity.” James said repeating Tom’s words.   


“Mr. Potter, every morning you must come to the hospital wing to take your potion for malnutrition.” Madam Pomfrey said before leaving.  


”James, listen you should not push yourself from everyone, we are only here to help you. Your parents informed me of your condition over the summer. I want you to know if you ever feel down feel free to come to me, understand?” Dumbledore said.  


“Like I told my parents, Dumbledore, I don’t need help from anyone, I’m perfectly fine!” James said glaring at Dumbledore   


“Mr. Potter don’t talk to the headmaster like that,” Professor McGonagall said, shocked  


“I don’t care! _Headmaster_ Dumbledore shouldn’t stick his head in other people business.” James snarled before closing the curtain and falling asleep.  


                                                   ((o))  


The next day James dreaded to wake up; he did not want to face his friends so he snuck out of the dormitory and headed to the hospital wing.  


“Good morning, Potter.” Madam Pomfrey said as she saw James enter the hospital wing.  


“Good morning.” James replied.  


“Drink.” Madam Pomfrey said, nodding to the bubbling potion on her desk.  


James reluctantly drank the potion, instantly feeling warmth when he finished it.  
James then left the infirmary. Even though the potion worked for malnutrition, it did not work for the depression and the voice inside his head, which, James decided, was the first sign of madness.  


James sighed and entered the great hall; everyone instantly looked at him as he sat down.  


“ _See how they look at you like a circus monkey._ ” Tom sneered  


“I know…I know.” James whispered holding his head and grabbing a fistful of hair.  


“James?” a feminine voice called as she sat near him, but James did not acknowledge her.  


“ _See how they look at you like you’re insane.”_ Tom jeered  


“Shut up” James said breathing heavily  


“James, are you okay?” Lily asked looking at him strangely.  


“ _You can’t escape me, boy, just like you can’t escape the people you called friends and family. If they were, how come they didn’t protect her?_ ” Tom said and James could almost see the smirk on his face.  


“Yeah.” James said, ignoring Tom.  


“Are you sure?” Lily asked, while her heart was beating like mad and her insides were doing flip-flops.  


“Look, Evans, you never cared before, so why should you care now?”  


‘ _Because I like you.’_ Lily thought but instead she narrowed her eyes and said, “Well I’m sorry for trying to act nice Potter.”  


“Whatever.” James said, getting up because the smell of food made his stomach churn. As he neared the exit, someone grabbed his wrist, dragged him out, and pushed him to the nearest wall.  


“I don't know what your problem is but I want to now.” It was Sirius.  


“Like I said before: it's nothing that concerns you, Black.”  


“Anything that concerns my best friends concerns me, so cut the crap,” Sirius snarled.  


For a moment, James wanted to spill everything, about what happened over the summer and how Tom came to be, to his best friend  


' _Are you really going to consider telling them about me?’_ Tom asked angrily ‘ _You’ll learn very soon to not double cross me”_ After that was said, James was struck with pain that felt as if a hundred knives were stabbing and slashing him. He screamed, which made Sirius let him go.   


He heard Remus say, “Bring him to the infirmary now!” The last thing he heard before he blacked out was a cold, chilling laugh that reminded him oddly of Tom and he saw a fleeting glimpse of red eyes.   


A/N: Sorry for the cliffy! I am so evil! Anyway now it is obvious to whom tom is! Oh and the girl I keep mentioning I will reveal her identity next chappie! Thank you all who reviewed from last chapter I really appreciate it! Love you all! Oh and I am so sorry for the short chapter! Read and Review! Again, Thankx to my Beta Reader she’s awesome! 


	3. Not Going Back

Disclaimer: If I owned Harry Potter, why would I be posting my stories in fan fiction? So no, I do not I own Harry Potter and I will never will!  


_Chapter3: Not Going Back_   


_“No…” James whispered as he neared the figure. “NO!” He yelled out as he saw who the person was; he felt empty as he looked into her dead hazel eyes. “Jessie.” James said as he knelt next to her, “Stop playing,_ Jessie _, and wake up.” Tears stung James’ eyes as he realize his twin was gone forever might sound nice here. He was never going to chase her around the house, or plan pranks with her. He promised then that he would avenge his sister death; that those responsible would pay. He will make sure they will pay. He cursed everyone who did not come to rescue his twin. He cursed his parents, Dumbledore, the ministry; he even cursed his friends for letting her die. In that moment, James Potter broke down. In that moment, James Potter was no more; it seems as if the death of his twin already caused his world to crash...  
_

_“James,” A cold voice called. James snapped his head up and looked around to find the speaker.  
_

_“Who’s there?” James yelled.  
_

_“I’m the one who’s going to free you from your pain.” The voice answered.  
_

_“How?” James asked desperately, wanting the pain to go away.  
_

_“_ _La voce in mia testa!_ ” The _voice yelled and before James could react, a purple beam hit him.  
_

_He screamed in pain.  
_  

With that, James woke up with a start. He looked around and he found that he was in the hospital wing.  
 

“James you’re awake,” His mother said relieved.   
 

“Son, we were so worried,” His father said smiling slightly.  
 

“Jessie…”James whispered as tears stung his eyes.  
His friends looked confused before they both sprouted looks of shock. Remus was the first to break the thick silence.   
 

“Mrs. Potter…where is Jessica?” Remus asked hesitantly.  


Mrs. Potter looked like she was battling a raging war between herself before she burst in tears. Mr. Potter was instantly by her side, comforting her even though he had tears in his own eyes.  
 

Remus and Sirius looked at them in horror. Then they turned to James and asked the same question.  
 

“James...where’s your sister,” Sirius asked quietly as he thought about the situation; he had not seen Jessica at all. How could he have been so stupid?   
 

James sighed and in a strained voice, he said “S-s-she’s…..D-d-dead….Can you believe it, Padfoot? The invincible Jessie is DEAD….why….WHY….why did you go….why did you leave me…..I can’t live without my other half…..I CAN’T!” James yelled, tears streaming down his face.  
 

“James, we’re going to help you,” Madam Pomfrey said softly, obviously knowing the boy in front of her was slightly suicidal.  
 

“Help? HELP? When she needed help, where were you? Why couldn’t you save her? And you knew. That is the worse part. You KNEW! When she said that a Death Eater was out there, you told her she was talking nonsense….Then  you just ignored her…..When she always said there’s someone out there….When she cried for help you just laughed…..and said she might just be playing a prank. Well guess what MOM….DAD It was _not_ a prank….It was _not_ even funny. I don’t want your help after what you did to my twin you already helped enough in causing me pain.” James roared at them, enjoying as the looks of guilt, pain, and shock passed over their faces.  


_‘Oh no I’m becoming like Tom’_ James thought with horror _‘How can I enjoy their pain?’  
_  

“James” His mother started sternly “You have no say in this, so your father and I have decided to bring you back to St. Mungo's and that’s final.”  
 

“S-St. Mungo’s” James whispered in horror, “You can’t bring me there.”  
 

“And why can’t we James?” His father asked curiously.  
 

“N-no please don’t send me back, please.” James said pleading  
 

“No, James, we have already made our decision, you’re coming to St. Mungo’s.” Mr. Potter said  
 

“I-I w-won’t let you.” James stuttered slightly as he stood up from his place on the bed.  
 

“Mr. Potter!” Madam Pomfrey screeched as she saw James get up “Lay down this instant!”  
 

“No way.” James hissed as he prepared himself to run.  
 

“James please…” His mother whimpered out.  
 

“I am not going back to that hell hole.” James said as he closed his eyes, trying to forget the torture he had endured in that hospital with Tom taunting him, making his head fill with darker thoughts every moment. He shuddered; he would never go back there, to that place where he felt vulnerable to everyone around him, including Tom.   
 

“Tom was right,” James whispered.  
 

“Tom, did you say, James?” Dumbledore asked paling.   
 

“N-nothing. I said nothing.” James said quickly as he neared the entrance, but the adults had already pulled out their wands and were ready to strike him.   
 

“I’m sorry James,” His mother whispered before she shouted a spell.  
However, James was already off; dashing through the hall, he thanked anyone who was watching that the halls were empty. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a jet of red light past his shoulder. He cursed as he turned a corner and collided with someone. He groaned before he got up and help the person up only to see….  
 

“Evans?”  
 

“Potter? Why aren’t you in class?” Lily asked glaring at him.  
 

“I should ask you the same thing.” James retorted before he started running again as he heard footsteps approach. He stopped in a skidding halt as he found himself in a dead end. Unfortunately, this time, the jet of red light hit him in the middle of the back. Everything went black for James Potter.  


End of ~~Story~~ Chapter!

**A/n:** First, I would like to thank all who reviewed and my awesome beta reader! Thankx a bunch! Next, I would like to comment that it was quite disappointing that this chapter is so short (1,139 words!)! Sorry, for those who was expecting a long chapter but I had to put a little cliffy! Heehaw! Yeah I am evil, so what,! Ok anyway I got some interesting **review** s on who the girl should be but of course, I took the most important one: A twin sister so, of course, James has a reason to get in a depression! Ok, Jessie Potter looks like a female version of James except her hair is curly instead of messy. And, before anyone ask, yes they used to have a bond but was broken when she died. Thankx again for reading I would have never thought this story would be successful so I am still keeping my finger cross because you know if I do not get any **review,** I will not finish this story, which has an awesome ending! Ahhhhh….The pros of being an author: You know how the story ends! Anyways, Thankx and do not forget to **Read and review!** And if you leave a **review** I give you a nice little teddy bear like the one below!  
 

Till next time,  
 

~The_Lily_And_Her_Stag _♥_ __

 

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	4. Finding out...Part 1

  


Disclaimer: I do not own anything but the plot and some of the characters!

 

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**Chapter 4: Finding out...Part 1**   


 

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_Jessica Potter desperately ran toward the exit of the forest, as she saw someone follow her, but before she could have gone far, a spell hit her causing her to fall onto the ground. Tears stung her eyes as she realizes that, maybe; this might be her final day on earth. Thinking desperately she tried to call for her bonded…her brother.  
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_‘James? James! Help! Please!’ Jessica thought desperately as she saw the figure near her  
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_‘Jessie? Where are you?’ Jessica almost cried out in joy as she heard James voice  
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_‘James, I’m in the forest, please, hurry” Jessica realized, with horror that the forest was far off from their home. She just prayed that James was fast enough too get to her  
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_‘I’m coming’ Jessica let out a breath of relief as she realized that her brother was coming  
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_“Well…Well…Well what do we have here…Ah yes Jessica Potter” A slickly voice said behind her  
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_Jessica spun around to face her attacker only to see blond hair and a pair of cold gray eyes behind a mask. Jessica stared defiantly at the person who looked only eighteen.  
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_“Who are you? And what do you want?” Jessica said glaring at the young man  
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_“My name is not of importance and I’m here to break your precious brother heart” The man said smirking behind the mask  
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_“You could never break my brother” Jessica said proudly  
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_The man stepped toward Jessica before he replied “Really? Then if I would have killed you he wouldn’t have cared?”  
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_“He would grieve but I know my brother…. my brother would never crumble” Jessica hissed back her hazel eyes flashing dangerously  
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_“Really? I find that hard to believe we’ll just see when I kill you let’s see how he fairs shall we?” Taking another step toward Jessica  
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_“James is strong and he will always be even if I’m not there by his side even if our bond will be broken I know James will never fall down to his knees to you or your master” Jessica said and boldly took a step toward the man “So kill me because I have enough faith in James to know that if I would die he will live…He never disappointed me….I hope he doesn’t disappoint me this time either” Jessica muttered the last sentence under her breath  
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_Suddenly the man began clamping before he spoke “Bravo…Bravo famous last words aren’t they…you will be smart to remember, Jessica Potter, that there is no light or dark there is only power and those too weak too seek it…Goodbye Potter….Avada Kedrava” The man shouted as he smirked in satisfaction as he saw the blinding green light hit the sixteen year-old girl.  
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_Jessica Potter fell and before she left the world she heard her brother yell “NO!” and everything went black.  
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With a start James, once again, woke up. James looked around and panicked when he saw that he wasn’t in the infirmary but in St.Mungo.

 

“Can’t escape me now, James,” A cold voice said which came from the end of the white bed James laid down

 

James looked at where the bed ended and saw Tom in the flesh. James blood froze as he remembered Jessica’s last words. He wasn’t going to disappoint his sister anymore now he was going to avenge her death and make Tom leave once and for all.

 

“What do you want Tom?” James snarled out glaring at the boy who made his life miserable

 

“Don’t take that tone with me boy” Tom said in such a cold tone that made James shiver “Do you want to expose your secret?” Tom said smirking knowing that he hit a soft spot

 

James paled as he said that. No one knew what James had desperately hidden for so many years that even his parents, friends, even Jessica didn’t knowing.

 

“What do you want because I’ve had enough of you” James said glaring at him

 

“I have two conditions for you and I won’t expose your deepest darkest secret. 1. If you expose me to any of your friends or family I will kill them right in front of you. 2. I’ll give you three months for you to either kill your family and friends or become a Death Eater….”

 

 

 

 

 

End of Chapter

 

 

 

 

A/n: I am sooooooo sorry for the shortest chapter I have ever written but I had to leave a cliffhanger! Promise if you bear with me next chapter will be 2,000 words and up. Author’s promise but you have to review! Now to explain stuff….the scene is before Jessica died….James has three months too either become a Death eater or Kill his family and friends talk about pressure what will James do? Of course I know…hehehehe…I won’t tell anyone….anyway James darkest secret really is dark so be prepared to be shock and find that there may be a different part of James…Next, James is not completely out of his depression and next chapter Lily and the marauders find out and go see James and James and Lily have a moment *squeal* I think I cover everything if you have any questions leave a review and I’ll answer the best I can! Thanks for all the reviews so far! Hope theirs more to come!  



	5. Finding out...Part 2

Chapter 5: Finding out…part 2

 

 

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_Summary: The rest of the marauders finally finds out about why James went to St. Mungo’s and goes to visit him with Lily…Read and Review!_   


 

 

“No” James said firmly as he finally contemplating what Tom just revealed to him. “There’s no way in hell that’ll I’ll become a death Eater or kill my own family you’re mad to think that I will ever do that”

 

“Then you won’t care if I tell everyone about your secret you desperately tried to hide since you were twelve…The same secret that you couldn’t even tell your own sister” Tom hissed back “Besides, if you won’t kill them, then, I will. I’ll start with your father then your mother, but I’ll have fun with her first, then, your werewolf friend, I’ll break him with silver and then your best friend he’ll be hard to break but I’ll find a way, then, last but not least your little mudblood whore, oh, I’ll have fun with her” Tom said his crimson red eyes burning into James hazel ones.

 

“I’ll think about it” James murmured as he watched Tom smirk in satisfaction

 

“You have three months” Tom said, smirking and with a small pop, Tom disappeared leaving a semi-broken boy behind.

 

Sighing, James warily settled himself back onto the bed before he stared blankly at the white ceiling thinking.

 

If James didn’t do what Tom wanted from him, he’ll go to Azkaban for what he did when he was twelve…something he didn’t need reminder of. But he didn’t want to be a killer or a Death Eater but either way he’ll hurt the people he loved the most. If he didn’t choose neither he’ll have to watch his loved ones be tortured by a monster, like Tom, kill them and he’ll not only lose one of his loved ones but all of them. James head was in turmoil as he weighed the option. 

 

James felt tears prickled his eyes as he realized what just happened…Three months…in three months from today he’ll have to decide….on Halloween night he’ll have to tell Tom his decision…

 

 

                                         **((o))**  


 

Remus and Sirius both stared into the fire hoping that, at least, it’ll give them some answers they were hoping they could get. They hadn’t received any information from the adults.

 

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_“I’m sorry, Sirius and Remus, but I can’t tell you anything right now” Mr. Potter said to the two frantic teens as he held his unconscious son in his arms.  
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_“Why?” They had both shouted as a response. They both wanted to scream, yell, and cry at the same time but what they wanted the most was their best friend, no, their ‘brother’ next to them not unconscious in his father arms looking deathly pale and shaken.  
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_“We need to bring James to St. Mungo’s” James’s mother told the two frustrated boys, gently  
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_“_ _But can’t you tell us anything, please,” Sirius asked pleading not daring to look at his best friend  
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_“I think James is the right person to ask” Dumbledore said entering the conversation the twinkle in his eyes gone leaving him looking very old.  
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_“Albus is right you should ask James he may have the answers to some of the things we don’t have answers to or understand” Mrs. Potter said saying the last part under her breath  
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_“Can we visit?” Remus asked looking at the Potters  
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_“Yes, you may, he’ll be in room 12” Mr. Potter said before he left the hospital wing leaving two very worried teenagers behind.  
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Remus didn’t understand. Why did James hide his sister death? 

Was there something more? Did he not trust the other marauders? Did something else happened that they hadn’t noticed?

 

Remus searched his mind for the answers to these questions but didn’t find any evidence or proof that showed that something was wrong with James? But then why….

 

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_James flinched as someone grabbed a hold on his injured wrist, he wrenched it out the person grip and without turning he said coldly,  
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_“Don’t touch me,”  
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_“Whoa, James, it’s just us” It was Sirius  
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_Then after a moment of hesitation before the response came “I know”  
_ __

 

Remus jerked himself from that memory. He didn’t want to remember how hurt and angry James made them. That was the first sign that something was wrong with James then what were the others….

 

__

_“I don’t want to go to St. Mungo’s”  
_ __

 

__

__

_“Sirius, when you took hold of his wrist…I smelt blood”  
_ __

 

__

__

_Dead haunted hazel eyes  
_ __

 

__

__

_“Anywhere but St. Mungo’s”  
_ __

 

__

__

_“Dead…Jessica’s dead!”  
_ __

 

__

__

_“Tom was right”  
_ __

 

___I smelt blood  
_ __

 

___I smelt blood  
_ __

 

__

__

_I_ _SMELT BLOOD  
_ __

 

He paled as the realization hit him. He jumped from his position on the sofa in Gryffindor’s Common Room, next to him, Sirius was startled out his daze as Remus made toward the fireplace.

 

“Accio Floo Powder” Remus called, pulling out his wand

 

“Remus, what the hell are you doing” Sirius exclaimed as he got out from his seat and made toward his friend

 

“I’m going to see, James” Remus said as the floo powder he summoned zoomed into his waiting hand.

 

“Remus are you insane Mrs. P said that’ll she’ll tell us when we could visit” Sirius hissed trying to take the powder from his friend

 

Remus amber eyes flashed in anger before he responded, “Sirius, I smelt _blood_ ” he told him as if that explained everything and to Sirius and only Sirius, it seems, it did.

 

Sirius paled and said, “Well, what are you waiting for?”

 

But before any of them could move a voice behind them said,

 

“I’m coming to” Remus and Sirius turned around and saw Lily standing behind them.

 

“No way Evans” Sirius said angrily

 

“Yes, way or I’ll tell Dumbledore you went” Lily hissed back glaring at the two teenage boys

 

They both shared a glance before they sighed and murmured “Fine”

 

Throwing some floo powder in the fireplace, which instantly turned green, Remus entered the fire before yelling, “St. Mungo’s, Room 12” Instantly he was gone. Sirius and Lily did the same leaving an empty Common Room behind.

 

                                         

                                     ((o))

 

Remus stepped out of the fire, closely followed by Sirius and Lily, and angrily marched toward his best friend and grabbed hold of the other boy’s wrist and pulling the arm sleeve down he hissed, “What the fuck is this, James?” He could hear Sirius and Lily gasp as they saw all  the scars that ran along James’ arm from wrist to shoulder blade.

 

“Care to explain how the fuck you bloody got these scars?” Remus hissed shoving the arm back to its owner. James sighed, then closing his eyes he asked tiredly, “How long have you known?”

 

“Does it matter, huh, James?” Remus asked angrily he knew that James was stalling

 

When he didn’t get a response from James, he asked again, “Well?”

 

“No, I don’t think the question was necessary,” James responded 

 

“Are you going to tell us or not?” Sirius asked impatiently, glaring at the scars seeming as they were the reason that their friend became so distant.

 

“Fine,” James said before he breathed in and began to speak, “I tried to commit suicide this summer then I started cutting myself but I stopped about two days ago” His friends looked at him in shock

 

“You tried committing suicide why?” Sirius whispered out not daring to belive what his friend just told him

 

“I couldn’t live without Jessie by my side, I guess,” James said looking at anywhere but his friends

 

“Is that all you want to tell us James” Remus asked though he wasa still concerned that James was still cutting himself.

 

James knew they were going to ask that and looking at his werewolf friend in the eye he said, “Yes, That’s all”

 

His friends still looked doubtful but they let it drop.

 

“Sirius, I got to talk to you,” Remus said pulling Sirius outside leaving Lily and James alone.

 

“He’s lying” Remus said as soon as they left the room

 

“You don’t think I know that,” Sirius snapped back before he sighed and ran a hand through his hair

 

“Then what are we going to do?” Remus said, pacing in front of James’ hospital door nervously

 

“We wait for him to tell us of course” Sirius hissed

 

 

“Okay but there something else I think this is all connected back to this Tom guy” Remus said even though James had muttered the words his werewolf senses made him hear it loud and clear. He had, then, immediately told Sirius of what James had said.

 

“Yeah, but the question is, who’s Tom?”

 

 

****

**Meanwhile, in the Room…  
** ****

 

Lily walked toward James bed as looked toward her. She sat on the chair next to the chair and smiled hesitantly toward James who smiled half-heartedly before he spoke, “You were here the whole time?” Lily blushed and stuttered out a response, “I-I’m sorry I-if you didn’t w-want m-me to k-know,”

 

“It’s okay” James said smiling

 

“How do you feel?” Lily asked trying to hide her blushing cheeks

 

“I’ve been better” James simply as he settled his head back on the pillow

 

“It hasn’t been the same without you there,” Lily whispered

 

“Really?” James asked

 

“Yeah I even missed how you used to bother me,” Lily said laughing and soon James was laughing too. Lily smiled it was a start.

 

James smiled before he edged closer to Lily, Lily in return edged closer toward James but before they could have closed the gap between them the front door burst open and in walked James’ parents and Sirius and Remus. Lily heard James growl in frustration before he turned toward the people who had just entered. When seeing that James was awake, James’ parents instantly by his side checking if he was okay. Lily blushed again as Remus and Sirius sent her knowing smiles.

 

Finally, James’ parents left leaving the four teenagers alone.

 

“I think we should be going back now,” Lily said walking toward the fireplace waiting for her two companions to follow “Goodbye, James, hope to see you back at Hogwarts soon”

 

“Yeah James and sorry that I kinds of got angry at you” Remus said smiling slightly

 

“It’s okay” James said smiling back

 

“See you around James” Sirius said before they all left. James sighed and laid back on the bed and cried. He didn’t know how he was going to face the looks of betrayal and hurt on his friends and parents faces when the three months ended. He sighed. Only time will tell.

 

****

**End of Chapter  
** ****

 

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**A/n: Like I promised 2,000 and up! Anyway, we will not**

**be seeing Tom for a long time since the next three chapters are about how James gets through these Three months. I wanted to update quicker since I, at least, owed it to the reader who in the last chapter read a short chapter…sorry again! Anyway, Remus had to know I had a review that Remus was too slow in my story so I had to make him find out about the suicide. I know I’m sorry for all those Lily/James lover but it couldn’t be that easy for them to get together at least now James know that lily likes her and vice versa. So, now that I have cleared up some things I want to ask a question because I can’t decide: Do you want Remus and Sirius to learn about Tom before the three months are finished or after the three months? Tell me what you think! Thanks for the reviews (if there were any from the last chapter) and Read and Review!  
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**Next Chapter: The first month and James is released from St. Mungo’s how will James cope when he knows that he may hurt his parents and friends? Will he crack under the pressure of the marauder and Lily or will he survive the first month of this torture?**   



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